Monday, March 24, 2014

Me Update

I'm not sure if anyone remembers, but around this time last year I was on a mission to change my eating habits. I had challenged myself for 12 weeks, joined Walk Kansas, and stopped drinking soda. I ended up losing a much needed 40 lbs.

**I still am not drinking soda. My name is Becky, and it has been a year and 3 months since soda has touched my lips.

And now:

I have joined Walk Kansas again, and am on a team that really pushes ourselves. I felt I was having some addiction issues with sugar, so I pulled A.L.L refined sugar a month...A MONTH!!..ago. I've learned more about sugar during this time than I have my entire life.   I had a rough 3 days, and then suddenly the clouds parted and the sun came out and I felt better than I have in YEARS!! YEARS!!!!  I WILL eat cake and yummies someday soon. This is just something I needed to do at the moment to get myself in check again.
I'd like to get 20 more pounds off this during this Walk Kansas challenge.

Sometimes the journey seems long. And unreachable.

And then I look back...

and can see just how far I have come.

I really can do this!  

Saturday, March 15, 2014

A Glimpse Of Dad

Thursday evening I ran over to see one of my cousins who was visiting. He was standing in the yard as I pulled up. The closer I got to him, the more air left my body.

His eyes.
He has my dads eyes.

I KNEW this. But I had forgotten.
My Dad's family was blessed with these amazing, sky blue, soul piercing, blue eyes. I'd like to know just how far back they go, but I only know that my Granddad had them. My Dad had them, and I'm pretty sure most of his siblings do too. Guy, my cousin, also has a grandson with the very same eyes.  Some of us, sadly, were skipped. Others, like Tristen, got the blue eyes, just a darker version.  Genetics are very cool.

After I got came out of my shock, it made my heart smile. 

 I could still catch a glimpse of my dad.

Sometimes I hear my dad's voice come out of Jacob's mouth.  Mostly, its his warped sense of humor.  And while I may be lecturing on appropriateness or giving a dirty MOM look, I always think "Oh my dad would be laughing his a** off at this!" 

This journey has changed a lot since December 3rd. I try to explain it, but I just can't. Mostly, I felt a lot of panic those first few weeks. Panic that he was gone. It just seems to change form. Reality has set it. I'm no longer panicked. I just miss him. More than I ever thought it was possible to miss someone.

The headstone was delivered earlier this week. I thought his grave looked so sad without a stone, and thought it would be "better"..whatever that means...when it arrived. Turns out, it was just another one of those moments.

 Holy crap...this is real, isn't it?