Saying Goodbye

Tuesday morning my momma discovered that my dad had went to sleep, and had quietly passed away during the night. No pain, no struggle, just peace. He was sweetly sleeping in his bed, with his pillow bunched up, just like he likes it. If you were going to leave this earth in an ideal way, this would be it. He went to sleep all warm and cozy in his bed, and woke up next to Jesus.

My family and I have been in sort of a grief induced numb state. I had told myself I was SURE I had already gone through some the grieving process, before I had even lost him. I have since learned this is complete crap. Its just something you tell yourself.

I knew I was going to lose my dad.And I knew I would be losing him soon. There had been so many signs and changes.

But I have never felt anything like this. Raw, deep, to your core, can hardly stand up, sadness.

I kissed him today for the last time. The first guy I loved. The first guy I held hands with, danced with. The guy who ran beside me when I was learning to ride a bike. The guy who looked so handsome in a police uniform, and who cried when he gave me away on my wedding day.

The guy who fought so long and so hard. 

The guy who told me death was nothing to be afraid of, and accepted it more than I was ever comfortable with. 

I watched my husband and my 2 boys, along with 3 other amazing men, carry him out of the church.  I'm pretty sure had my best friend not been there holding my hand AND me UP,  I surely would have died too.  It is horrible to watch a casket be closed, and carried out, with your daddy inside of it. My mind can not even begin to imagine that I will never ever see him again. Or hear him laugh.

I'd like to share more about my dad, and his service, and I will soon, but for right now, just some pictures.


I see a lot of my Tristen in this picture.


My Dad with his beloved purple truck. Isn't he stylin??

 
 Dad with my little brother, Eric

 
I just found this picture in a box while looking for pictures for a poster board. I had never seen it before, but I love it. He looks so young, and handsome.


With one of his best friends, David. Dave died about 4 years ago. I hope they are sitting at a table, drinking ice tea and strong coffee, telling "stories".


Working on the tractor, annoyed with my picture taking. He was still strong and tan in this picture. I think this was around 2002.


My wedding


Again, my wedding, with my sisters flower girl head piece. No...he had not been drinking. ;)



With the grand-babies he loved so much. I am so thankful he got to meet Jayden.


My dad's youngest brother, Andy, posted this song on his Facebook page Tuesday.

"For my big brother Mike, who went home today."



I have listened to it over and over and over again.

Will post again soon!