Saturday, March 15, 2014

A Glimpse Of Dad

Thursday evening I ran over to see one of my cousins who was visiting. He was standing in the yard as I pulled up. The closer I got to him, the more air left my body.

His eyes.
He has my dads eyes.

I KNEW this. But I had forgotten.
My Dad's family was blessed with these amazing, sky blue, soul piercing, blue eyes. I'd like to know just how far back they go, but I only know that my Granddad had them. My Dad had them, and I'm pretty sure most of his siblings do too. Guy, my cousin, also has a grandson with the very same eyes.  Some of us, sadly, were skipped. Others, like Tristen, got the blue eyes, just a darker version.  Genetics are very cool.

After I got came out of my shock, it made my heart smile. 

 I could still catch a glimpse of my dad.

Sometimes I hear my dad's voice come out of Jacob's mouth.  Mostly, its his warped sense of humor.  And while I may be lecturing on appropriateness or giving a dirty MOM look, I always think "Oh my dad would be laughing his a** off at this!" 

This journey has changed a lot since December 3rd. I try to explain it, but I just can't. Mostly, I felt a lot of panic those first few weeks. Panic that he was gone. It just seems to change form. Reality has set it. I'm no longer panicked. I just miss him. More than I ever thought it was possible to miss someone.

The headstone was delivered earlier this week. I thought his grave looked so sad without a stone, and thought it would be "better"..whatever that means...when it arrived. Turns out, it was just another one of those moments.

 Holy crap...this is real, isn't it?


Lisa said...

Ah, Sorry for your lost.

Melanie said...

I actually did a drive by viewing of my dad's headstone ONCE. .I vowed that it would be a long time before I went back too!! Maybe someday I will want to see it again. .but not anytime too soon. .He's not there either. .and I just can't make it ok in my head to be there either :-( Glad things seem to be leveling out a little bit!