The darkest hour. .

..is just before the dawn.

I tend to be a private person about some things. I have a few friends I'll spill all too, but certain subjects I prefer to skip right on over. This one is one of them, and I'm sure you've gathered it from my blog already but:

My dad is dying.

And the past 24 hours have been a whirlwind of emotions. And blessings.

My family took him up the the Hospice House yesterday evening and were not real sure he was going to come back home.  I watched him slip in and out of hallucinations, with fear building up in me that we were about to lose him, and at the same time, fear that this would NEVER stop. It's this jumbled mix of erratic thoughts and emotions when your watching someone you love lose a battle.

Not long after we had been there, the Chaplin came in to see him. He's known Dad for the 2 years he's been on the Hospice program and I was shocked at how much he had really talked and listened to him. I mean he LISTENED. He knew it all. He sat with us, talking to Dad while holding his hand the entire time.

During this time, I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of  peace and warmth come over me. The panic disappeared. I felt calm. I NEVER feel calm.  And I knew that even if something happened, everything would be ok. I couldn't explain it. I just knew it. I remember the Chaplin turning to me and just smiling, almost like he had felt it too.
"Maybe someone is praying for me."  "Maybe it's just the peace of this place."  "Perhaps I really AM losing my mind."  Whatever it was, it was much welcomed and I KNEW it was SOMETHING. SOMETHING was with us. SOMETHING was trying to tell me that it would all be OK.


Saturday Dad was doing much much better, and heading back to normal. I had  asked him what he remembered.
"Almost all of it," he said. During this conversation, he kept turning around, and then laughed and said "I keep thinking there is someone back there." 
"Maybe there is,"  I said, laughing with him.
He turned and looked me, with his beautiful sky blue eyes, and said, "There has been. My dad was here last night."


And I smiled and  nodded my head.