Friday after work me and my gang left for Dodge. I had some re-stocking to do in "Bruckner-Mart" and the boys needed some new stuff for summer. While we were there I decided to try on a couple of swimming suits.
I do not have a full length mirror in my house....you can probably already see where this is going, can't you? Well, the new and improved Wally World now has *3* full length mirrors in the dressing room, angled just right so you can see front and back, all at the same time. How wonderful.
I stood in front of those mirrors for I don't know how long, turning, bending, flexing, slapping. When did this happen?? Why didn't I notice?? Is this really what I look like?? Holy Bajeebers, that's a lot of hail damage on my thighs.
Swallowed the lump that quickly formed in my throat and continued to try on the suits. The first one was a bright blue with a skirt that I just knew I was going to look fabulous in. In truth, I looked like a blueberry with a ruffle around the middle. Ugh. Got that thing off and threw it across the dressing room, convinced this was going to be a complete failure. Grabbed the other one, put it on and....I didn't hate it. It has a pretty tropical floral pattern that takes the eye away from certain...areas. I figured if I like it from the waist up, I can at least find a pair of cover up shorts to hide my thighs.
So, I came out of the dressing room and I heard T say "FINALLY!" "What took you so long.....Are you ok?!?" asked D. "When did I get this fat?" I asked him. The poor guy got the deer in the headlight look, refusing to talk, just shaking his head.
My McDonald's chicken sandwich and french fries just didn't taste very good one the way home.
I'm calling 1-800-597-Jenny..TODAY. *Sigh*